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I see myself breaking down, hidden behind my best friend.
I’m invisible, a wall. No one sees me.
My heart is bursting from jealously, self-pity, and sadness.
Why couldn’t I be her, why am I me?
I am hurting on the inside. I cannot stop crying.
I wish I were dead. Do it, just do it!
But a part of me tells me, “This is childish, stop being dramatic.
Put the gun down, there. Now walk away.”
From my point of view no one knows I exist.
I’m always hidden behind her shadow.
I used to be there right beside her but now I am gone,
To be replaced by a new me.
I am no longer happy or crazy ‘ol me.
I just sit here and ponder, why did things change?
We are growing up and recognizing our talents,
Growing apart and losing our friendship.
She’s going towards fame and fortune.
I’m being consumed by darkness and my fantasies.
I wish things would stay the same but I’ve realized you can’t stop change.
If I had courage and a real reason to do so,
I would leave quietly and unnoticed
And forever be gone.
redtears
March 2006
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