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The Little Brown Box
The Little Brown Box
In the stillness of the night, I wait till he falls asleep
I move slowly from the bed and I begin my silent creep
To the bathroom I make my way, and hope I close the door tight
I turn and search for the little lamp, to bring in little light
I pull the drawer under the sink, to find my hidden box
The small little engraved brown one with the small gold lock
I reach for the key I keep around my neck on a gold chain
And with trembling hands I unlock the ending to my pain
I feel the tears stream down my face, even in the dark
My hands and wrists show the subtle pain of my every mark
I sit on the edge of the tub and open the box with ease
What I can see in the dark thru shadows made my heart freeze
I took a deep breath, and listen carefully to hear if he awaken
But the pounding was my own heart, so I was very mistaken
Trembling inside, the fear to finally consume every part of me
The anxiety of it all being over is all I could focus to see
I didn’t want to hurt anymore, or go thru this unbearable pain
and I had nothing left in life to love and nothing to let love gain
I sat and thought what made me feel like this or how this came about
How did things in my life turn out so bad that this box was my only way out
I looked at that box, and all it contained, for my answers will soon be gone
And my love will never have a clue until he awakens in the early dawn
For so long I have wished to make this true, and what will happen after this
All I know is my heart will be free and for a short time I may be missed
But not while I’m here still breathing and hurting deep within a broken heart
Everyone feels that I need to get past this and look for a better start
I cry my tears and reach in my box and the thoughts of everyone’s voice
Not one to tell me what I need to hear and never an alternate choice
I love all dearly and everything you have done but I am no longer a soul
I am empty and a shadow that passes thru halls and a sad story once told
The shimmer of gold glistens in the little light and I find my flesh so ready
I bite down on my lip and whisper His name and cut firmly but steady
The sting runs thru my body quite fast don’t hesitate to do it once more
As I cry to him softly and call for His name I fall easily to the floor
Feeling of warmth and a gush of cold, flash thru me like rapid hot fire
And my memories of me and him and our family fade away with desire
I remember my last wish, that if he only knew what I would do for him
And how much pain I can bare for him and how I would commit any sin for him
The scent of His cologne was on the carpet and it helped me to close my eyes
And even though he rested sweetly in the next room he could not hear my cries
The little light fades away and the pain of my heart begins to come to a slow end
And my breath is only whispers of His name, to escape the journey to begin
My life without love, without my true love and what lies ahead for my destiny
Is the only path I will know and I will have to live with for all of eternity
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